To judge or not to judge?

"Judge not lest ye be judged."  Oh, it's quoted correctly alright. But the problem is it is taken out of context. People don't really understand the entirety of what is being spoken.  This passage IS on forgiveness and grace but it is also about helping someone who is wandered from the path.  

Here is the end of the passage:

Matthew 7:3-5 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." 

Did you see that? THEN you can see clearly to help remove the speck from your brother's eye. There is an expectation that we FIRST make sure that our lives are in order but then to HELP them. In love of course. Inaction is what can lead to "trendy Christianity."  When we help others, clearly it should be in love and we should forgive, but we don't stop there, we take it one step further and help them as well.  Most of the time when we don't it is becuase we don't want to deal with the "junk" we have too, so it becomes easy to turn a blind eye to both MY "junk" and theirs.   Clean out your closet, get rid of the junk, then go and help your brother.  Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

"Don't be hatin' "

I recently read this on a website about the Prius.  This one had the least amount of expletives.

About the Prius: "The most evil vehicle ever created, owned by preppy, condescending, ignorant, annoying, stuck up, Unpatriotic, YUPPIES who should take their gas mileage and shove it up their..."      ...well, you get the idea.... 

This is what I do not get. Why the "authors" of these types of comments don't realize that by their own commentary they are proving the VERY point that they are disparaging. These are the same types of comments that I hear sometimes from some of the people who hate church. ie. "They are SO judgemental." "They are a bunch of bigots and I hate them and the fact that they judge everyone." I don't get it. But I have found one Universal way of correcting it. 

Don't.

Instead, love them and allow the presence of Christ to change them. 

Giovanni a man of the streets

I knew he was watching me. Have you ever been doing something and you can just feel the pounding gaze of another pressing on your back and shoulders. The nerve some people with their imposing glare. A brief check of the obvious yields a lack of nose dirt (I need not explain) nor fallen zipper, so why the glare? Making eye contact yields immediate results typically when the glaring person realizes they've been discovered, but my return gaze brought only the realization that this man was not in fact glaring, but, searching. Non in the typical shifty-eyed search of one's person or the awkward search of a desire to fulfill lustful thoughts, but a searching of something more. This man seemed to be searching INSIDE of me, using my eyes as a way of gaining access to my inmost parts.

I continued to set up my computer and to nervously glance in the direction of, though not directly at, my pursuer I could tell that he continued to watch my every move. Make no mistake, though seated perfectly still and in the same position as when I had first walked through the door, there was no mistake this man continued his chase though for what he was searching, I had no idea.

I ordered, big surprise, Venti Pike with caramel and an empty stomach suggested a breakfast sandwich was in order. I sat down to sip my beloved brew and noticed the man, now having to sit sideways in his seat to continue his watch. He would shift nervously in his seat making arrangements of the various objects scattered on the table in front of him or to take small sips of whatever graced his "Tall" beverage cup. Angryman offeres these thoughts about the ridiculous starbuck's sizes:

"Referring to a small beverage as tall, takes beverage size deception to new heights. I checked my dictionary to see if any definition of Tall would provide an excuse for using this particular adjective to describe the smallest of three sizes. Nope. I did finally find an answer in my thesaurus "…as in tall tale: absurd, difficult, embellished, exorbitant, far-fetched, implausible, outlandish, overblown, preposterous, steep, unbelievable, unreasonable." Bingo."

Whatever his reason for diligently keeping visual post of my actions it was obvious they wouldn't be revealed unless direct confrontation was engaged. "English Muffin for Mark?" After I ate of course. A very warm and great smelling sandwich lay in wait on the table before me just begging to be consumed but caution, not to mention the pyroclastic nature of heat coming from the foil wrapped sandwich would heed me to stave my hunger. Then it hit me, the smell of the streets wafted my way and I noticed, the clothes: worn and old, the hair: tired and greesy, unkept and the telltale bag at his feet. This man was homeless. I immediately had him pegged of course, he wanted money, he wanted a ride, he wanted to hock my laptop for drugs, etc.

Except his eyes.

They didn't ask for any of those things, they just search for kindness. They searched for love, they searched for someone who wouldn't judge him as many others may have, but they looked for someone to treat him like a human being. It was at that moment that it hit me. This man could be someone's brother. This man is possibly someone's dad. This man, is someone's son.

"Have you had any breakfast this morning?" This was less an offer and more an excuse to cling to my food. Sad, sad man.

"Bet it's expensive here..." he said reminding me that in fact, this sandwich WAS expensive, not to mention: MINE!

But then God burst through my hardness and in a rush of compassion, I said, "Not when someone gives it to you..." With that, I handed him the sandwich, still wrapped, still pulsing with extreme amounts of heat, still smelling of melted cheese, sausage, and egg on a English Muffin.

"Goodbye breakfast" I said in my head as I watched him methodically dismantle the sandwich. He didn't even say "thank you." God, is it too much for the hobo to say "Thanks"? God why is it that these people think that the world OWES THEM something? Why is it that these people think that it is okay to take without showing gratitude for the generosity of people who help to sustain them during their desperate hour of need? As I typed and sipped my liquid breakfast, I stewed. To be honest, I felt a bit like Jonah, reluctant obedience followed by brooding and anger when God's will is done. Then it happened. As if he had access to my private thoughts, as if privy to my secret groanings to the Creator, he turned and clenched my hand in both of his and said, "Thanks." He said it three more times to me as he reluctantly let go of my hand and packed up his stuff and walked stiffly out the door and down the street.

I sat in disbelief and in awe. God had again, talked to me. "Justice or Mercy? What have I called you to show?" The man behind the counter at Starbuck's placed a plate, with a breakfast sandwich on the table in front of me and said, "I saw the whole thing, thanks." Not only did God gut check me, but in his Mercy, by His Grace, he thought it good to reward me, not for my attitude, but my willingness to be obedient. God is once again teaching me, to trust Him for the outcome of my obedience, what He is calling me to, is faithfulness.

Matthew 25:34 vv. "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

p.s. I saw the man again this past Sunday and learned his name is "Giovanni."

Justice or Mercy?

Wow! What a week in Lakeland with our students.  We spent four days doing ministry to two different groups of people; the first group was, others.  We spent three days working on homes of people who were not able to do for themselves. Not, didn't want to.  Just lacked the physical or financial ability to do labor or two spend three horribly humid days sweating from places I didn't even realize there were sweat glands! Ew!  I am mopping my brow just remembering it. One lady was Mrs. Roberson, a sweet elderly woman who recently lost her husband.  We had helped them out with a semi-somewhat extreme home makeover two years ago by completely repainting her house, re-landscaping the yard, and removing a 3 foot tall pile of garbage that had accumulated over the years.  We estimate that about 4 to 5 K worth of work was done renovating her garage and repairing termite damage and painting the kitchen and yard work. 

The other home was with an older couple we'll call "Denise and Tony." We scraped and repainted their entire "home" (read trailer).  Doesn't sound like much until you remember that we were working with a group of about 14 teenagers. =)  We also rebuilt two staircase decks that they had attached to their abode as well.  Painted the shed, then the deck, then the trim, then, and then, and then... the list seemed to grow and grow with this lady and it didn't seem like she was much appreciative.  I asked a couple of leaders to pray for my attitude and after consulting my counselor (read wife) who has her MASTERS, I was given some good advice and agreed to move on from there.  It DID continue to bother me but I was eventually able to let it go and to work more joyfully the next day.  It wasn't until that evening that I learned, the REST of the story. 

Denise and Tony had worked scheduled by a neighbor who had subsequently taken around $4,000 from them and never finished the work.  When Larry returned later that evening to fix a water heater, another of Denise's "honey-do" items, he talked to her after it was done.  He explained that he understood that she had been "robbed" of the work but that this week she had been given a very precious gift in that we had finished that work and MORE during our time. "Denise," he consoled her, "it's time to let it go and forgive because God has given you so much more, you need to forgive." Her eyes filled with tears and she wept as she realized that she had punished these wonderful teens for what someone else had done to her.  She threw her hands in the air and shouted, "I am FREE!"  At that moment she was no longer bound to unforgiveness and anger.   It was a tender moment and as Larry recounted it later that evening I realized that I can either spend my days looking for "justice" or I can show mercy and let God do, what He came to do. 

TRUST with Everything, holding nothing back...

Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.”

As you look through the pages of Proverbs, it is addressed to his son. His teenage son. King Solomon is addressing his teen son because in that time, you were beginning your own journey in life. Now, kids are living at home at the age of 24. Weird. I am not sure why girls don’t find that a repulsive factor in dating. What? You live with your mom? Oh, well, maybe you should be dating her? Idk. Jk.

I moved out, essentially when I was 18 I went of to college and didn’t look back. But Solomon is writing because he doesn’t want HIS son to make the same mistakes that he did or that he saw going on around him.

Tonight at the Manatee Civic Center around 200 to 300 Seniors are graduating from LRHS ad Saturday from BRHS and from Palmetto High School and starting a new phase of their journey.

But all of us are on SOME part of that Journey, whether in Middle School or High School we need wisdom, we need direction, there are choices that need to be made. So how do we make these decisions in such a way to honor God? So we are going to take a look at one of MY favorite verses. Proverbs 3:5-6.

Solomon uses a literary structure that is called inclusio. A negative command sandwiched between two positives. If you want to land successfully you have to follow some rules right? You must stay stiff and you have to fall straight back. This will help you to be successful. But what is our temptation? We want to bend our legs, we want to put our hands back, we are leery to trust what we cannot see.

Solomon is saying that if you want to be safe, you have to follow these three commands I am giving you, you have to trust that I am going to cause you to land safely.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

1. TRUST in the Lord

So the first thing we are told to do is what? TRUST. Trust who? In the Lord. When we read this verse, it appears as though they are talking about your physical heart right? Girls, Oh that’s wonderful, the heart will go on. That’s our Western way of thinking but to the Hebraic way of thinking the heart means with your mind.

Chuck Swindoll says that the idea here behind Trust that the root of this Hebrew word is one of throwing yourself down and lying extended on the ground csting all hope for the present of the future and just laying there.

We can pass this idea on t the Trust Fall experiment. That instead of trusting instinct of self preservation and survival at all costs that we believe in the process that says, if you fall back in the way that you were instructed, you won’t get hurt.

What do WE do in these instances? We ask friends, “Hey what do you think?” “Oh NO WAY! I wouldn’t do it, they’re going to drop you, they’re not going to be able to hold you up.” But this simply is not true.

When we go through difficult times in our life, what do we typically do? We ask friends, we opst stuff on Facebook and we look for support and sympathy there and only when things get REALLY bad we might turn to prayer or get to a place we look into God’s Love Letter to us to find proper direction and strength.

What God is saying is, “Trust me from the beginning. Know that I have MY best interests at heart, I am not going to let you down.” We think that He has OUR best interests but that just isn’t so, unless our interests are in line with His and this often isn’t the case. When we make decisions, we look for the most profitable; we look for what is going to help US out best.

· Trusting in God means that with 5 stones and a slingshot, we know that we can slay the Giant. That’s David.

· Trusting in God means that despite a speaking problem that know we can still convince a tyrannical leader to free over a million slaves. That’s Moses

· Trusting in God means that me and my armor boy will face an entire army and win. That’s Jonathon

We serve a God though who wants to build within us, character, strength, and integrity. So God doesn’t give us what we WANT, but what is best. The problem with this mindset is that it brings us to the second command He gives within this verse to:

2. Do not lean on your own understanding.

I was talking to a student today who was telling me about how closely the viola is to the guitar. I know a little about guitar, but I can tell you right now, you do NOT want me to handle your viola. That would not be a good thing. You wouldn’t be able to call it music. It would be the OPPOSITE of that Charlie Daniels commercial you see where he just shreds that bow to pieces.

DO you remember us talking about the trust fall experiment. The whole thing is based on fighting what comes most natural. There is this idea that as we are falling backwards, our arms say, “YO” I don’t know about you but my arms are ghetto, “YO! If you don’t catch us, we are going to end up with a MAJOR pain in my butt.” If you don’t do something other than just FALL then you are going to hit flat and be in some MAJOR PAIN!

What comes natural in our mnd when we are faced with taking a hit of E or Roxies or Oxy? What comes natural is to avoid it at first, but when you continuously put yourself BACK INTO that situation day after day, you know what you are going to do? You’re going to give in. You will. It’s just a statistical fact. I really can’t tell you just HOW MANY kids I have talked to over the years who swore they would never take that they could stay strong in the face of peer pressure. They started out well, but they eventually gave in to what is natural.

Our own understanding is what gets us into so much trouble. It’s what leads us down the wrong paths, leaning on our own understanding is what leads us further into slavery and what causes a painful butt!

You remember when we talked about Moses? In Numbers 20:11 God tells Moses to speak to the rock and it would gush forth water. Talk to it. By our own thoughts, we are thinking, all these people watching are going to think that I am crazy. SO instead he hits the rock twice. I mean hitting a rock is good, right? It is more likely to produce a result. But that’s not what God told him to do.

He hits the rock and water comes out. But God says, “Because you did not trust me enough to show me as holy before the Israelites, therefore, you will not enter into the Promised Land.

You had better believe that God is serious about obedience. It means EVERYTHING to Him. That’s why Solomon tells us not to trust in our own abilities, not to trust in ourselves and what we know, but rather he gives us this final direction:

3. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him.

It was early one morning and the sleep was still pretty heavy in my eyes. Lucas taps me on the shoulder, he is about 7 years old or so. I am NOT a morning person, at all. A little more than my wife, Kristin. She’s the one you can ask, like, Mommy can I have the car keys to get some pokemon cards at WalMart and she’s like, Sure Candace go ahead. She’s kind of out of it in the mornings, but I am right there with her.

SO at 5:30 or so, I feel a tap tap tap, it’s Lucas, he wants something. Now, it’s MY goal to find out what it is a to resume sleep as quickly as possible. So I ask, “What is it little buddy? What do you need?” I made this for you and he slides something under my hand which is more like a mitt this early in the morning.

My fingers are still trying to figure out just what their job and function is. I groggily say “Okay buddy…” and turn over.

I fall back asleep and now it is an hour or so later so still sleep deprived and groggy I try to slide out of bed and step on something. It is this card that Lucas has made. Written in large letters is: “world’s greatest dad, I love you so much.” Now, I don’t expect you to get this just yet, but fro any dad, this is big, but for Lucas, this is tantamount to being given the crown jewels. Lucas has a hard time expressing himself and saying “I love you.” I don’t know why, but he does.

By the time I had gotten to him later that morning, he had already gotten his feelings hurt. Daddy, I felt like you didn’t care about my card. Crush my heart. All he wanted was a “Thank You” Maybe a hug. He just wanted to know at that moment that he mattered, that he counted.

Our lives are full of those moments with God, moments in which the Creator of the Universe says, let me know how much you enjoy me, tell me that you love me, tell me that our relationship matters. Don’t forget, our worship, our acknowledgement is the ONLY thing that God doesn’t have that we can freely give to Him.

Given money isn’t important in our relationship with Him because we are told in Psalm 50 that he owns the cattle on a thousand hills. But He DOES ask that we tithe as a way of recognizing that we TRUST HIM with our finances and to meet our needs.

But He DOES say that as we Trust in Him with EVERY PART of us, as we relinquish our own thoughts and give way to HIS WAY and to not try to fall own our own terms, not putting our hands out to catch ourselves, as we acknowledge and TRUST Him, it says that He will direct our paths.

I don’t know if you’ve been on 301 in Sarasota but it is full of potholes. It is nasty. I’ll be driving along and I will hit one of those potholes and like lose the alignment of my steering. It’s like boom boom…bump, pothole. If I was still driving my GEO Metro, I would have lost most of my car in those things. DO you guys know what I am talking about?

In the Hebrew what this part of the passage says is that he literally goes before us and fills in the holes. It says that he paves the way before us and makes it a smoother path.

It’s the word: yä·shar יָשַׁר

It’s made up of two characters in the Greek:

a) (Qal)

1) to go straight

2) to be pleasing, be agreeable, be right (fig.)

3) to be straightforward, be upright

b) (Piel)

1) to make right, make smooth, make straight

2) to lead, direct, lead straight along

What a beautiful picture that God goes before us as we TRUST Him as we take Him at His word to make our way smooth as we trust Him to make our path straight before us that He will come along and do His part.

• Is your family battling with divorce? Ya-shar. He will grant peace.
• Are you struggling with unforgiveness? Ya-shar He will give you strength
• Are you worried that kids will make fun of you for your faith? Ya-shar Trust Him, lean not on your own understanding but know that He will pave the way for you.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Maybe you have come to a point where your faith isn’t going anywhere, but I believe as you trust, with all your heart, forgetting what you think, and acknowledge Him that He will make your way smooth as you live in obedience, He will fill in the holes.

It’s time to stop doing the same things over and over again and it’s time to Trust God for direction. This applies to direction in life, trust Him. This applies to struggles, TRUST Him. This applies to growing in your faith, TRUST HIM.

The Family of Peace

“The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together ~Erma Bombeck

As we struggle as a family to maintain identity and to be heard over the roar of each other's story we arrive to an all familiar place, one of humility. A place of recognizing that just maybe, their part of the story is the plot line. Maybe what I am feeling, what I am experiencing is subtext in light of the struggles that others are going through.

I find it important to ask those uncomfortable reflective questions, "Have I taken the time to read between the lines of what my mate is feeling?" "Are my children REALLY trying to get on my last nerve, which I thought I so cleverly hid, or just maybe, they have yet to become adept at their own self expression using actions rather than words to communicate discontentment, insecurity, anger, or dare they....love.

I find with teens that I spend time with during lunch, they are quick to open up to someone who is willing to take the time to validate what they feel and to identify that yes, those ARE real feelings not the whims of teenage angst or emotions with no control. What appears so often as anger, is in fact, insecurity. What boils over in sarcasm is an effort to keep from "feeling" some thing, be it hurt or self loathing. One teens writes, "If anger, hurt, and self loathing were but tender morsels, I would die, myself the glutton." The thought of choking on our own emotions is a difficult one and I am thankful, and hopeful even that there are those, like my wife willing to brave the elements to bring them to a refuge.

When is the last time YOU became a refuge for your kids? When is the last time that your children felt your home was a place to look for peace? Where they find peace, where they find refuge, where they find acceptance will dictate what they will become passionate about.

Portrait of the Family

When I talk about Family Portraits, this conjures up some very interesting images for us. Even in MY family, these family times, where we are trying to get a snapshot of the “happy family” it is interesting what is going on in the background and the foreground in those moments right before the picture is snapped.


Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise—"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

Parents LOVE this verse. Raise your hand if you have ever used THIS verse? It’s popular.

But for SOME reason we rarely venture down the dark alleyway of TRUTH into the very NEXT verse. If you’re like me, you want to conveniently forget the next truth to dwell on the OBVIOUS! “Honor me, or die!” Right? It’s like the phrase made popular by iconic fathers like Bill Cosby, “I brought you into this world, I can take you out.” If you’re in ministry like me, you may opt for the less popular, “I’m gonna KNOCK you out, and PRAY YOUBACK!” But listen to this:

Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Whether or not you choose the whole passage or just a portion of it, it is still there, it still begs to be obeyed by BOTH parents and kids. What I want to do is to share some thoughts on the family.

Not because I have the perfect family, but because I am still learning and there are some things that God has reveled to ME in my almost 14 years of marriage and in my almost 11 years of having kids.

In our house there is a constant battle for the front seat. I am SURE that I did this as a kid and have forgotten, but this particular issue in MY family has sparked MORE conversations on putting OTHERS first because my kids are interested in that coveted position of riding shotgun. This is such an esteemed position that if you were to Google search there is a website devoted to the rules associated with helping you to WIN.

But if you want to win, if you want to win in your family, if you want to win in your marriage relationship, if you want to win in your future marriage, you have to die to that “me first” attitude and give birth to “other centered actions”. This is what the Bible teaches: Me first – you lose, others-centered – you win.

When it comes to words, I have learned how powerful they are once I had kids. Prior to that, I had not realized how hurtful an offhanded comment can be, how hurtful it can be to have to “win” during these moments.

1. You can TEAR DOWN and lose or you can BUILD UP and win with your words.

If you’ve seen Disney’s “The Kid” you know how hurtful words can be and how simple statements can change the course of our family. They showed a picture of a heartless executive with a reputation for firing and putting people out of jobs ithout so much as a thought. What caused this? In the movie his dad would tell him to “Man up” He would tell him to stop being a baby.

Ever said those words? Students, have you ever told your parents, “I hate you?” Raise your hand if you have ever HEARD those words or spoken those words to a parent. Now is the time to come clean.

Proverbs 12:18, “Careless words stab like a sword, but wise words bring healing.”

That’s what they’re like. Words are like a sword. James chapter 3 talks about this VERY issue. How many fires have been started by a small word? Maybe you have heard or said one of these things:

Think about the way words hurt. Words we might hear like, “Why can’t you ever do anything right?” “Why can’t you be more like....?” “You’re lazy... You embarrass me...” “You’re SUCH a big baby…”

Or what about the words we use sometimes to our parents. “Why don’t you ever understand anything I tell you ...You’re so dumb... His mom/dad lets them do ‘this’. Why can’t you be a little bit more like them? Why can’t you just be a normal parent for once? I hate you...”

We do the same thing with our brothers and sisters: “You’re so stupid... You’re such an idiot... You’re such a wuss... Get away from me...”

Each of these is like a dagger. Each of these hurts and it’s remembered. It doesn’t just go on after the conversation’s done. It stays with that person. When this happens, every conversation either becomes offensive or defensive. Either you’re tearing down or you’re being torn down. All real communication stops.

When it says in Ephesians 6:2 to honor our parents, the word in the Greek is, τιμάω; tah-mäh'-ō; to fix value on something. What value do you place on those relationships? What can you do to change the vicious cycle?

Building up is “others-centered”. It’s when I look at my family, whoever they might be – mom, dad, brother, sister – what words can I say that might build them up? I know that is a foreign thought.

My kids today when they wake up, my 8-year-old is not going to go into his sister’s room and go, “Candace! Good morning! I love you, sunshine!” That’s just not happening. It’s not reality. We barely even acknowledge people in our family.

I want you to see this “others-centered” idea as your words giving life. Just imagine the people in your family are a balloon – one of those long, thin ones. Your words inflate, your words give life or tear down.

Try this just for a week. See if this makes any difference. Most of your parents, your family members, will think you’re on drugs if you do this. Just try one time a day to say a kind word to each person. For some of you who are a little more advanced, I’d say, say a kind sentence! But some of you just need to stick to words though.
· “I appreciate the way that you treated me....
· I like the way that you do this...
· It makes me feel good when you say...”

The other thing is take back a hurtful word. Meaning, “I was thinking that last week I said ‘this’ and I just want to say I’m sorry. I take it back.” You want to win, you’re others-centered. You want to lose, you’re “me first”.

2. You can be UNGRATEFUL and lose, or be THANKFUL and win.

It’s amazing to me how deserving I think I am sometimes, how much I think I deserve to get and I need to be served by my family. It makes sense sometimes. We were born to our parents and God's given them the responsibility to take care of us. But there comes a point where we have a responsibility to the family too.

1 Timothy 5:8, “And anyone who won’t care for his own relatives when they need help, especially those living in his own family, has no right to say that he is a Christian. Such a person is worse than the person who does not believe in God.”

We take family for granted so much. Whenever the kids are away, or even if I am away, I miss the hugs and the sweetness that kids have at this age. It’s so nice to be desired by my kids and for them to want to spend time with me and so I want to enjoy that as long as possible. I try not to turn down invitations to swim or to play wii or even to play tag in the yard with all the neighborhood kids.

It’s my desire that as my kids look back during their teen years that they will have those memories to draw from and to be able to look back with a thankfulness and with gratitude. But the truth is, they forget.

Sometimes they forget to thank us for taking them out to dinner, they forget to thank us for clean clothes and for good meals or a roof over their head. They don’t even have the ability to realize just HOW much money soccer camp costs, or cheer camp, or having a computer with lightening fast internet connection and cable and that all that stuff costs money.

US News did a study a while back; one and a half million dollars to raise a child of a middle-income family in the United States. Yet the money is the smallest of the investments compared to the time and the unbelievable energy. If they never did anything for us for the rest of our lives we owe them so much thanks.

I read a story this week about a little boy named David. David was born without an immune system that functioned properly. They had to place him inside a plastic covering so that he wouldn’t be exposed to the germs and bacteria that could kill him – any virus, any flu. The reporter asked David, “If you could get outside of this bubble, what would you want to do?” He said, “I’d want to walk in the grass with my shoes off and I’d want to touch the hand of my mother.” How many times have we touched the hand of our mother? How many times have we gotten to be with our parents? We have so much to be grateful for and when we don’t realize that, it defeats everything.

If you look in your notes where it says “Small Step Ideas”, look at the second one – list 10 great things. Take the time to write 10 great things about your family. If you say, “I don’t have anything to be thankful for.” This is one of the strategies of life that when you want to change an attitude, when you’re feeling down, just begin to list the things that you are thankful for.

This is may be the best idea you’re going to get today. I’m going to save you thousands of dollars. Write a thank you letter. Forget buying your parents presents for the rest of your life. Write them a letter. When my kids write me a letter I want to frame it, I want to keep it, I want to get a tattoo on my chest of it. That is something. What it says to a parent is this: My kid thought about me.

If I were to ask your parent to come up front and to tell everyone what makes it tough to raise a kid, some would say one of the reasons we have so much tension in our family is my kid is a me-first kid.

So when a me-first kid takes time to write a letter and express thankfulness, all of a sudden a parent is blown away. You’ll get a 10 percent change in your family by just writing that letter. Even if you’re a parent, don’t underestimate the power to write a letter to your grown parents or even to a parent that may be deceased. It can be liberating for both of you.

3. You can be BITTER and lose or you can FORGIVE and win.

Have you ever been around a bitter person? They’re not a lot of fun. They have this weight on them. They’re the kind of person where you’re walking along and you drop something and from across the room they’ll go, “Way to go! Good one Mr. Coordination!” These people often communicate with a lot of sarcasm.

It’s like they have this sickness in their stomach and every time they talk to you they want to vomit some of it in your face. It’s this bitterness, this disease.

We hold onto things. Maybe it’s a broken promise from your parents a long time ago that you’ve allowed, that keeps you from trusting them now. Maybe you feel like your parents are holding onto something from years ago and because of that they still don’t trust you. There’s a blockade there. You don’t even want to please them anymore because you feel like no matter what you do from this point on, they’re never going to let go of that. So I really have no hope because they’ll never let go.


You always lose when you’re bitter because it makes you look at everything for the worst; looking for ammunition. Looking for something you can grab onto and have on your side so you can shoot it at the other team when a conversation comes up.

“Remember this... What about when you did this... I can’t believe you because remember when you did this...” Bitterness is a negative worldview and it turns everything into ammunition.

He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven. -Thomas Fuller

Forgiving is a very difficult thing to do. One of the reasons why, is we feel that when someone’s hurt, me they need to come to me. The problem is if you have hurt me, chances are you may not even know it. You may be sitting there hurt by a brother or sister, a mom or dad and they’re out dancing and having a party and don’t even know it. So what’s happening in your life because you have not forgiven them? That just gives birth to bitterness and becomes the nastiness that Ryan was talking about. If you want to win in those family relationships, you’ve got to forgive.

Ephesians 4:31vv. “Stop being bitter or angry or mad. Quarreling, harsh words or dislike of others should have no place in your life. Instead be kind to each other, tenderhearted forgiving one another just as God has forgiven you because you belong to Christ.”

Those of you who are Christians, you are never more like Jesus Christ than when you forgive. And you will never forgive somebody else more than God has already forgiven you. You want to win in your family? You’ve got to learn to be a forgiver.

When you’re upset use “I” and “me” words. I don’t say, “You made me...” “You drive me...” As soon as I do, the you what happens? Defensiveness shoots up and all of a sudden we’ve got a battle.

But if I’m to use words like “I feel really insecure when you use words like that.” Or “I feel angry when you treat me like this.” All of a sudden the defensiveness is down and it begins to pave away for some healing that desperately needs to take place in your house. If you want to win, you forgive. That’s an others-centered action.


One Last Thought:

“He has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so.” -Walter Lippmann

It is seldom going to be the easy thing, it will NEVER feel like the profitable thing, but it will ALWAYS b the right thing to honor your family.